(fanfic in Harry’s POV)
Sometimes I forget that I have a say in things. Sometimes most of it is blank. Sometimes I forget that I haven’t communicated certain things which might be essential to be communicated at a point of time when I am misunderstood badly. It might be because I didn’t know why and what was happening and no one was listening so I decided it’s better to stay quiet because there is no point in explaining anyway. Maybe it’s because I felt things are meant to be that way. Maybe it’s because I held on to the bare minimum love I got so tight that it actually kept me alive and resilient. Also, I accepted the fact that this my life and I let people walk all over me.
Until, I woke up one day and decided to stand firm in how I expect to be treated. I realized my worth and loved the hell out of myself again. So much so that I am going to say a firm NO to any BS. Once i made sense of what was really happening and happened I see clearer as ever. I see black as black, white as white and red as red. Haven’t I been asking Dumbledore the same question as far as I could remember? Do i really need those meds to make me see clearly? Maybe not. Once I realized my worth, there is no going back in how I expect to be treated.
I realized sometimes communication is essential, sometimes it’s so crucial. I might have a heart full of love but when I was mute how could I have made people see that? I cried and cried wishing I was Renesmee so that I could touch and show them my heart. My heart which didn’t really have any desire for anyone or anything for a very very long time. Except for the most platonic love there could be. Even now that hasn’t changed. With the exception for few very rare souls of men and women, women not so much though. Yes, I am bisexual, ( stating the obvious, but I am out and proud 🙂 ).
But was all this confusion really necessary? I was just the awkward, shy, weird kid next door. Why was I treated like an alien though? When in my world there was nothing really wrong. I was busy vibing by myself. Reading, studying, watching TV, listening to a lot of music, befriending God in my head, singing to myself and happy. Not really sure why people were hurting me again and again, not really sure what was expected of me. Unlearning my mistakes all by myself, learning new things and growing. Not really sure what the confusion was all about.
Ah, can someone be misunderstood so badly for not speaking.
But hey! It’s alright now. The nightmare is far behind me as a learning and I treat them as battle scars and wear it proudly as a tattoo which might not have hurt as bad as the real pain, but it’s on me and will be forever as a reminder that I am always going to be Invincible and I will always have a voice going forward, which is loud, clear, bold and confident. And my mind is always gonna stay sane. Meds or no meds. ( Dumbledore might be the best to decide that). Friends or no friends. ( Maybe I do have them but I might not be dependent on them anymore ). And do I really need a guy? Maybe not or sometimes I do ( not stressing so much on it ).
You’ll always find me vibing alone though, cause at the end of the day I’ve always got me, even if there is no one there for me. I learnt it the hard way.
But yeah, vibing alone>>>>>>>>>>>>>
rachana rajan <3 