(fanfic from Harry’s POV)
The guy I’m in love with left me.
But my heart is not able to accept the fact he is gone. I feel he is still here near me and in my memory. I keep reliving those memory. I know it will blur one day because there is so much space between then and now. There is the weight of the world between then and now. And my memory is fading away. Its been so long that I’ve seen him. It’s been so long that he touched my thigh like he always does. But I keep reliving it in my head. Because i feel human when I think of him, otherwise it’s just blank. These meds take away all my feelings and it’s just blank most of the time.
I wish he was still here, I wish this pain in my heart will go away. But why does it feel like it’s not over even though it is. Why do I feel someday he will miss me? I know we haven’t made enough memories together for him to miss me as much as I do. I know he is far away now and will be further away in a month. Maybe he will forget me and find someone who wears high heels and not sneakers. Maybe he won’t think of me as much as I think of him. Maybe I am being delusional by holding on.
But that doesn’t stop me from loving him. He is the best memory I have. No one can replace him. ever. He has a place in my heart that can never be replaced by anyone else. Cause when you love someone you never stop. The memory fades with distance. But you never stop loving them.
My feelings is not gonna go just cause he is far away now. cause I’m somehow not able to accept that he is far away when I still feel near him. When I still feel things inside me like he is sitting next to me. Had I known the last time I met him was the last time, I would have held on a little longer when I hugged him, I would have held on a little longer when I held his hand, I would have looked at those beautiful eyes a little while longer. I would have never got angry for silly things, I would have done all the things I didn’t do, said all the things I didn’t say.
But how do we know the last time is the last time? We will never know.
I’m never gonna wear the dress I bought for him.
rachana rajan <3 