(fanfic in Harry’s POV)
I have heaps of this.
The pain has reduced now, but honestly, it took me a long time. It took me years to come out of what happened to me. Imagine a 20 year old innocent and normal girl who was minding her own business being mentally tortured like in the movie saw and when she tries to confront everyone blames her mind. It is excruciatingly fucked up.
There are certain things that helped me, like seeking help, writing it down, music and just being surrounded by love. But it took me years to get there.
Sometimes when I think about certain things I do not know how to come in terms with it. My videos were taken without my consent, I was falsely diagnosed with a terminal illness, gaslighted and treated like an animal. I don’t think this is something anyone can come in terms with. But I have let it go now.
I take medication to ease the pain and for emotional stability. Because humans can be really cruel sometimes.
My friend of 10 years blocked me ’cause I asked her to delete an Instagram post in which I look bad. It took me a long time but now I have come to realize that that wasn’t friendship. Also, someone who manipulates me for a guy is not my friend either.
It took me 31 years, but I have finally come to realize who is a friend and who deserves my time, effort and unconditional love. The people in my past were NOT my friends. They were just people I knew. It takes a lot to call someone my friend.
It took me a long time to learn to date as well. Now I don’t tolerate any BS. The toxic men I dated in the past were “mistakes” and nothing else. The mistakes that I flush down the toilet.
It’s easy for people on the internet to judge and say, “I don’t hold grudges, I focus on positive”. If the same person was in my shoes, he would either be dead or in the mental hospital. (period)
The intensity of the resentment and pain has been washed away by the waves of the ocean. I just try to stay kind and grounded to those who are kind to me and deserve that kinda love. Others deserve none of my energy. I would like to believe they are in different universe all together. I’m in Marvel and they are the Joker in DC. When the Joker crosses the line and enters Marvel universe he will most certainly get a blow with Thor’s hammer.
’cause I am Captain Marvel.
🙂
rachana rajan <3 