(fanfic in Harry’s POV)
There were days that we would talk non stop throughout and now we are blocked.
To be honest, when I invest a lot of time, energy and effort on someone, I pine and hold on even after it’s over. Let it be friendship or relationship. I tend to keep going back because well, that’s how I am. I try to make things work. Try to figure it out and put all the effort even if there is zero effort on the other end.
But over the period of time I’ve learnt to control this urge to fix things when they show their true colors or even for a matter a lack of effort. I’ve learnt to suck it up and say goodbye and keep my self respect.
I did say, love lives on even after it’s over. It never dies, but it can fade with distance. One day I woke up and it doesn’t hurt as hell. I woke up and I feel myself again and don’t cry as much. I woke up and see that life goes on no matter who is there in our life and who isn’t.
Life is back to the beautiful mundane again which I look for granted when I had it last year (before the chaos).
Do I miss them? Sometimes I do when something reminds me of them or when I listen to a song we shared. I remember them cause the memories lives on even if the people don’t in our life.
Do I feel bitter? Of course. (towards some) But the pain is gone and comes back in flashes at times. With the help of my therapists I’ve learnt to sit through the discomfort.
Do I still love them? Maybe. But it doesn’t stop me from living my life and choosing myself over everything and everyone else. It doesn’t stop me from prioritizing my self respect and not reaching out again as much as possible.
I’m walking through the city with my headphones on and coffee in hand and the past memories doesn’t weigh me down as much anymore.
rachana rajan <3 