(fanfic in Harry’s POV)
Growing up I was the person who didn’t like to upset anyone and always put their needs before mine and well now? IDGAF.
During school, when I finally made friends I was so happy yet so clueless about the world. They were the kind of people who would only talk about “cute guys” and things related to that. I wasn’t that person but I would go along with whatever they said. I faked liking guys (when in reality I never felt anything for them) just to blend in.
During college this continued, when TBH I don’t easily catch feelings. Maybe it’s because of not interacting with anyone for a long time but I don’t feel things easily for anyone. But I would talk about cute boys to my friends because they were like that? I didn’t know what saying I like someone meant.
I would fake liking the topics they would speak about and talk the same way. I didn’t really have an identity of my own.
Over the last few years I have let go of this fear of saying NO and upsetting people by saying what I really mean.
I’ve let go of this thought that because they are my friends I should go along with whatever they like or are doing. Now I have my own identity. I do not enjoy talking about cute boys and never have. I never actually had any feelings for anyone whom I said I liked, till Gilderoy Lockhart.
Even during the recent times I would say I like you and let men kiss me because they liked me, when in reality i felt nothing. The only time I’ve had sex, I felt nothing and I did it because he wanted to. I’ve broken out of this thought process that I need to be with them because they like me.
I’m finally in a place where I say no to men I don’t like and topics that I don’t want to discuss.
It’s been a long road and I am finally in a place where I understand the meaning of saying things I want to say and not what people want to hear.
I have finally found my voice.
And I’m not afraid of being disliked for speaking my mind nor do I have the fear of losing someone (unless they are someone I love) by saying what I really want to say.
I understand now what each word mean and the impact of it.
rachana rajan <3 