(fanfic in Harry’s POV)
Not surprisingly, it hasn’t been a pleasant experience.
Growing up, the boys in school and college kept calling me ugly and kept asking me to introduce them to my friends. It was traumatic cause they wouldn’t even think twice before calling me ugly. They would constantly say it.
I had a friend in school, let’s call him Ashwin, he constantly, I mean “constantly” called me ugly for years and years. He kept pestering me for years to introduce him to the friends I made in every stage in my life. He didn’t let a single opportunity slide to call me ugly. I finally grew up and blocked him.
In school, I didn’t know what liking someone meant, so just to blend in I would say things like I have crushes on boys when in reality I didn’t like them. I lied to my friends that I liked a boy, let’s call him Vijaykumar, he was a really disgusting person who would take me to parks and ask me to kiss him even when I said no, he would persistently do this. He stalked one of my best friend at that time badly, even though she was not interested in him, which caused our friendship to fall out.
There was a certain person in college, let’s call him Bhat, he at first claimed to have loved me and after one month he started saying that he doesn’t because he finds me ugly and he is in love with my two best friends at that time. After the trauma I finally stopped talking to him.
I made a friend in college, let’s call him Solomon Valentine. We kept hanging out and I was happy that I finally made a friend. But he was disgusting too. He would take me to parks at night and he would keep asking me to kiss him even though I said no. This continued for a long time, till I ended the friendship.
Men used to call and text me just to say my friends are hot. They used to talk to me just so I could introduce them to my friends. I was constantly harassed by them to do so.
After that it was just trauma in Askaban with all the death eaters who harass, sexually assault and rape. It was a really disturbing place to be with disturbing and soul sucking dementors and deranged death eaters.
Lately though, the whole experience with men is reversed but still very traumatizing.
The men who called me ugly come back and call me hot and I give them hell. I hate men who change according to how I look.
Every time I try to be friends with someone they would want to sleep with me or say something inappropriate. Even if the guy is 10 years younger to me he would say that he wants to finger me. Even if the man is married with a kid he would talk about my boobs.
There have been men who would kiss me without my consent or take advantage of my consent. They would always call me home and talk about sleeping with me.
Even when I try to find men to date, they would talk about having sex on the second day of texting. If I don’t go along with what they say, they say it’s not working out and it ends in me asking them to fuck off and blocking them. There was a man in matrimonial app who said he will meet me only if I let him do anal.
The whole experience with men has been traumatizing and still is. In my 32 years, I have hardly met men who were actually good, I can count them in fingers of one hand, that’s about it. It has been a really disturbing experience. So I tend to stay away from strangers and don’t really get excited to make new friends anymore.
rachana rajan <3 