rachana rajan <3

(fanfic in Harry’s POV)

Because of the preconceived notions created by Voldemort and the death eaters, it affected all my relationships that I’ve had in life.

I’ve had more than my fair share of toxic friends. Anyone could walk all over me and blame it on my mind because I didn’t have a say in things.

This post is for my mom because she keeps saying if I send “karma by Taylor Swift” to people in my past and hurt them it will hit me back, but for some reason she never asks me why I send that song to them or what they did. She doesn’t know they are well deserving of that song.

You are well aware of Voldemort and the death eaters mom, let me tell you more about some of them.

I had a friend at Askaban, let’s call her Mohapatra, we stayed “best friends” for 10 years because I was as always stupid. She was a negative person who continuously call me a lesbian when I was trying to be friends with her when in reality I wasn’t interested in her. She would say I’m disturbing her and not letting her work when I would go to talk to her. She would say things like she prays to God I loose all my hair because she was loosing her hair. She would constantly say my clothes are bad and make me feel bad about what I’m wearing and call me vulgar.

She was never there for me but we still stayed “best friends” cause well, I was stupid. Years passed but she never changed, when I would text her that I’m going through a break up she would ignore my message and after 10 days send me a totally unrelated meme. That was her way of “staying in touch”. I asked to delete an Instagram picture in which I look bad and she blocked me and that was the end of the friendship.

I had an other “best friend” at Askaban, let’s call her Ren, She was a negative person who continuously used Voldemort’s Horcrux to talk to me which used to fuck up my mind all the time. She continuously called me a negative person even before getting to know me, which didn’t stop for years. She wanted to meet random men, but couldn’t do it alone so she would ask me to join her, that was the only time we hung out. I met almost 10 men and would sit quietly and see her flirt with them and say I love you to them, drink and smoke with them. I was invisible expect for the part where she wanted to take pictures with me.

She would make me spend for her saying she doesn’t have money but at the same time buy gifts for her boyfriend. She used to constantly complain about her boyfriend but when I say something about what I’m going through she calls me negative and asks me to stop. She used to take sides of the toxic manager(who spoke to me inappropriately) and team leader(who used to target me continuously) and shout at me when I would stand up for myself. She used to say I’m sticking on to her like a cockroach when I was going through shit at Askaban and tried talking to her. After a lot of other shit like this and after I quit Askaban finally, I tried being friends with her on and off but it never worked cause I just couldn’t make peace with what happened.

I had an other “best friend” Draco Malfoy, let’s call her Tayenjam, She was a really negative person filled with negativity. She used to continuously shout at me for everything and boss me around. She would shout at me if I disconnected her calls or ignored her messages. When I was preparing for Ministry’s interview and called her for help she said she is not going to give me her answers. After I got the job though she kept harassing me to talk about my salary and when I didn’t say it she blocked me. Even after all this we were “best friend” for almost 10 years.

More than my life she was really really interested in my friends lives. She would constantly ask me about my friends and first call them ugly and then ask about there personal life details and then she would talk to her friends about whatever I said and come back to me and say what she discussed with them. If I stood up for myself when she used to do this she would just walk away and later say I was being rude. She used to continuously make me feel bad about how I look and say that men will never like me. She would keep calling my friends ugly constantly or talk about sex, this is the only two topics that she would talk about, if I spoke about work she would say she has headache and continue with these topics.

When we would meet other friends, she would start talking about my personal life and discuss it with them and say things like I have a lot of friends because I’m good at small talks. She would constantly harass me to talk about my sexuality and called me a lesbian and accused me of liking her, when I was least interested in her that way. When I would say I like a female artist, she would say “Oh you like her now” in a way to suggest it’s sexual. After few years of this and me being stupid, I asked her to delete a Insta picture in which I look bad and she shouted at me saying it’s her Instagram even though it’s my face I was asking to delete and blocked me. I kept listing out the things she did to me and finally it all just ended.

I had a “best friend” in my apartment, let’s call her Nair, She was a messed up soul who had a negative aura around her. She would talk continuously without any punctuation about some man who liked her 10 years ago and about her friends of 10 years ago and also about her relationship of yes, 10 years ago. I would get constant headaches because of her, but I still stayed friends because she had no one else. Finally I told her that she doesn’t use punctuation and she started talking about “cute boys” like a teenager. I could have cut her off but I didn’t because I felt sorry for her.

But the tip of the ice berg was when I started crying one day because I was telling her I don’t have money to color my hair and she touched the table and said “I’m so thankful to God I always have money and never face this problem”. Later I confronted her that she lacks empathy because of what she did and instead of sorry she said we should stop being friends which I was actually glad to do. She had uploaded a lot of pictures of me on her Instagram with fake captions, choosing the pictures in which I look the most pathetic so I asked to delete them for which she called me cheap. Anyway.

I have a cousin, let’s call her Dudley, I was nothing but sweet to her since day 1, but she was a bitch. She would pretend to be innocent about a lot of things. I became friends with her best friend and told her we three should meet cause it will be fun. Every time I would ask her plans for the weekend and say the three of us should meet she would say she doesn’t have plans and she has work and later that day she would upload a picture with the same friend. After few weekends of this I confronted her for which the only thing she said is she is her best friend.

She said she likes a book which I hate, which I told her about, because of doing so every person I spoke to after that said they hate something I like and indirectly taunted me. A lot of other shit later, which everyone are well aware of, she kept using Voldemort’s horcrux and later she dropped her mask and I got to know that she was always competing to be better than me and she said I was “meddling in her life”, she is blocked now.

I had another “best friend”, let’s call her Reddy, She was only there for me through texts. She used to call me deranged, crazy and weird in college and she used to make fun of me with her friend throughout college. After college though we became close, we used to text and that’s about it. After few years of this, when I was going through a break up I asked her to come to my house because that was a bad one. She kept giving me excuses saying she can’t leave her son, but she would go on trips without her son. Later I confronted her, she said that she is really selfish and doesn’t do anything for anyone cause she just doesn’t care.

Last year when I was going through shit and asked her to meet again and told her that I was having nightmares about getting raped, she blocked me. After few months she mentioned her grandpa was sick and I was not understanding that’s why she blocked me, she also mentioned she expects everyone to go to her place to meet her and she would never do anything for anyone. But she did go to Malaysia when her grandpa was sick. A lot of other shit later where she kept using horcruxes, I eventually blocked her.

I had a best friend who lived in the US, let’s call her Patil, I loved her immensely and we were always there for each other, after years of this though, I grew out of the friendship because she was a negative person who only spoke about personal life details of her friends, in every bloody phone call. But I still stayed because I loved her. Later though, she started gaslighting me badly, so I was rude to her. After we got back in touch though, she started using Voldemort’s horcrux, It used to fuck me up but I still stayed because I was stupid. Because she was doing it, she assumed that I was too and she used horcrux again and I ended the friendship.

These are a few stories I wish you asked me mom. I wish you asked me what happened instead of concluding I’m the problem.

Anyway, I hope you understand now.