(from Harry’s POV)
My definition of a friend is one who puts equal efforts as me and someone who puts me in the same priority as I put that person.
Growing up, I always gave and gave and gave and gave some more and gave a lot more, unconditionally. Now though, I’ve placed a period at the end of it, because there is an understanding to it.
Unfortunately I’ve never had and have a friend.
I’ve just had people whom I thought were my friends or so called “friends” who don’t know the meaning of being a friend.
You know the sorts.
The ones who are always competing or always jealous or just there to take advantage of me or just want to dump their trash on me according to when it’s convenient for them or people who know exactly what hurts me and does exactly that because they are immature fully grown children.
If not the above, the ones who only respond to my messages when I reach out but if I disappear for years together, never text and make sure I’m alive.
Hence, I’ve stopped using the word friend loosely and have started adding colleagues, acquaintances, classmates and people who I talk to to my dictionary.
Because for me a friend is the one who makes as much effort in keeping the conversation alive as me, someone who puts equal efforts in staying in touch or sharing something, someone who makes equal efforts in meeting and calling etc, someone who turns up to my house with ice cream when I’m going through a heartbreak, someone who makes random plans with me when I’m bored. (you get it)
Unfortunately I’ve never had that, so I guess according to my definition of friendship, I’ve never had a friend in my life.
It’s just been my mom and Ginny who have come close to that definition. And they are actually more than enough.
(Just that Ginny isn’t in my life anymore, let’s not go there. I miss her a lot daily though.)
So these days I just hug my blanket when I want a hug. (my mom doesn’t like hugs, unfortunately) No matter how lonely that might sound to you, I’m not actually lonely. I enjoy the solitude because I choose peace over toxicity, baby.
I’m actually happy most days. I’m a human being so I’m not 100% happy. I’m the right amount of happy with a dash of depresso and pinch of anxiety. (on some days more than a pinch)
I have me and that’s enough. I like sitting with my thoughts because my head is an interesting place to be in.
🙂
rachana rajan <3 