(trigger warning: thoughts of self harm)
(from Harry’s POV)
I was feeling overwhelmed with negativity the last 2 days.
But the thing with me is I don’t act on it, I never never do.
I do not cause self harm or harm to others physically.
What I did is, I got to the bottom of it and rooted down the reason for feeling it.
My reasons are:
- Not being able to monetize my YouTube and blog even though everyone are obviously reading it so that I can move out or move to a slightly bigger home.
- My doctor gaslighting me.
- Not having friends.
Once I did that I tried to solve those problems one by one in the best possible way I could.
I called my doctor and explained to him where I’m coming from. The reason I needed his validation is because he is important to me and he is like a family member and idk, it’s important that he sees what he is doing.
I might have sounded rude, but idk the point was to make a point and I did.
Later, I spoke to my therapist. I might have just complained to her for an hour. But idk, my life is just shit and that’s kinda her job to listen, so I try not to feel guilty.
I vented to my mom, but she kinda doesn’t have the emotional capability to listen to me. So she ended up crying and later in the night I went to her and just hugged her and said sorry in my head hundreds of times. I could not say it out loud though because she might cry again.
I forced myself to get up by pep talking to me and went for a walk on the second day and listened to inspirational Disney songs and instrumental music.
I wrote about it on my blog.
The most important thing I did, which I always do is, “I let it pass”.
Because absolutely nothing is worth taking my life or to act on it. I’ve been through worse and this is actually nothing compared to that.
rachana rajan <3 