rachana rajan <3

(from Harry’s POV)

I’m really not compatible with my parents and the way they function.

I’ve grown up and matured. I’m in a place in my life where I prioritise healthy friendships and relationships.

I’m not saying my parents are bad. They are as human as they can be. They are right in their place and their generation.

I might be right in mine. It might be because of our intense past but we’re way past the expiry date of our relationship. People interfering in our life just makes it worse, they don’t really get it though.

My mom who is innocent and sweet becomes manipulative when they do. It’s affecting her mental health as much as it affects mine.

I don’t know what people gain by interfering but it is just messing things up to a whole new level, it doesn’t really help.

I’m not able to handle the intentional triggering and intentional hurting anymore. I’d rather be alone and do things alone and not have these problems.

I do not like to be told what to do and what not to do anymore because I’m not a child anymore and I have the emotional capability of deciding things myself and I prefer it that way.

I don’t know though. I might have hundred new problems if I live alone. I’m really not sure what I want because I haven’t thought that far ahead cause I never do.

I don’t think further than I should because life is really unpredictable. I try to solve the problems I have today and moving out sounds the easy way out.

But can I do it? Am I capable of doing it?

I hate it when my mom gets emotional and says it’s not far away, hinting that they are old. But I never want or think like that. I don’t wish anything to happen to them because I love them.

I just want space and freedom. Maybe having my own room can solve that? I’m not sure.

I dunno why I’m writing my thoughts on my blog at 3.41AM, but I guess I just want to put that thoughts somewhere.