rachana rajan <3

(from Harry’s POV)

(message to my mom continued)

I had a “friend” at Ministry, let’s call him Praveen Prakash. He used to text me all the time and he even asked me if I wanted to be in casual relationship which I said no, then he tried to manipulate me into sending him my nudes again and again, which I got to know and denied. We used to talk all the time though.

But after he met me in office, he started ignoring me badly. Later he said it’s because of work but it isn’t because I saw him immersed on his phone every single time I saw him. So I ended things.

I had another “friend” at Ministry, let’s call him Naudiyal, I was close to him and used to share a lot of things with him. But he kept asking me to talk about my sex life, no matter how much I ignored his messages and avoided the topic. (reason being the man I was dating at that time was abusive and he was abusing and assaulting me and I didn’t know how to talk about it)

Later when I told him, yes I did have sex, he started saying “now the groin has tasted blood and it will keep wanting blood”. I asked him if he had sex with his girlfriend and he said he can’t share all that, but ironically he badly wanted to know about mine. We fought after that and it’s just been weird.

Later whenever I called, he told me for him friendship is when he doesn’t talk to his friends often and I told him it’s because he has a girlfriend to talk to everyday and I don’t have that privilege so I prioritize friendship, that hurt his ego. Also, every single time he calls he talks about other people and their achievements or whatever it might be, which I’m really not interested in and I explained it to him in a very sweet way and he ignored me and that was the end of that friendship.

I had another “friend”, let’s call him Dhruv, he was just there for the highs and not the lows, he was an immature kid who only talks about sexual topics or stay extremely quiet. Once he even said he wants to finger me because he was interested in me and I could not see past that and yeah, he even gaslighted me which is a red flag.

And he was really on and off which I can’t take. So that was the end of the friendship.

I had another “friend”, let’s call her neethu, she was really really interested in my personal life. If I didn’t share, which is obviously my choice, she used to get pissed at me. She used to constantly harass me to do the things she wanted me to do, like for example remove my moles, if I don’t listen, she used to repeat it 10 times again and again.

She wanted me to go to her place and used to invite me all the time, but if I ask her to come to my place when I had a bad break up she used to say, idk where is EC. (she goes to other states and countries for trips but doesn’t know how to come to EC which is in Bangalore). I told her she can’t expect me to go to her place if she can’t come to mine. After I came out as Bisexual and told her I had a crush on her in the past, she kept asking me to go to her place, which was quiet weird.

Also, she was really manipulative when everyone where listening to my calls and she gaslighted me too, which as you know is a red flag, so that was the end of the friendship.

I had another “friend”, Let’s call her Ipumada, she was a really toxic and negative person who used to treat me like a doormat, she just wanted someone to vent when she was upset and but didn’t have the emotional capacity to listen to me. She used to stamp on me and keep me under her foot. She was a compulsive texter who used to text continuously and send 10 huge paragraph messages without having the capacity to wait for a reply. She used me as much as she could to dump her shit. She was really egoistic as well. She was a big red flag hence things ended.

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I can go on and on mom, it’s not my karma to not have friends, it’s just that people in my life used to take advantage of me, use me, treat me like a doormat and stamp on me and walk all over me because I didn’t have self respect and boundaries. So I chose to let them go. Because for me, my peace of mind is more important than negativity.

I want you to understand this mom. I cannot repeat this again and again for you to get it.

I’ve already told you this and gave you many examples, I’m not sure why we are getting lost in translation.