(from Harry’s POV)
time: 23:51PM
Date: 19th November Sunday.
“See the line where the sky meets the sea, it calls me.” Moana is singing through my earphones.
And for the first time in my life, I have dreams.
I always felt I’m happy with whatever I have right now, because the things I have now is something I dreamt of in the past.
But now I dream of having my own community on YouTube and making a living out of it. I dream of it so much each day that, I don’t think there’s a plan B.
I dream of moving out, but I’m not sure what comes after that. But I’m kinda not that scared as I used to be.
I wanted to go to Thailand so bad, with Ginny. Now that she isn’t there, I don’t think I have any dreams of traveling. But I do wish to see places I read about and see on Instagram, someday.
I’m unable to settle for anyone. It feels as though I might never find someone who can fill the space Ginny left next to me. She is my the one who got away.
It breaks my heart when I read about what’s happening around the world sometimes. Bad things happening to those who don’t deserve it at all. So I try not to read too much about it and get lost in fiction and my own world.
I’ve been thinking about Fault in our Stars, a lot. Augustus not finishing the book he was reading because he died and infinities and everything else. (Mostly because of the number of death I read about each day)
I don’t know how to say this, but every time I’ve come close to death in the past, people have misunderstood me and there were millions of flashes of memories running on my mind, there was so much I wanted to say and do. I really wanted to live every time I’ve come close to it.
Even now when the world took away the only good thing in my life, I’m still living everyday. I feel I have a zest for life. I feel I want to do so much more and I feel I always have hope inside me, no matter the cards I’m given.
And that hope keeps telling me Ginny will come back, even though the reality doesn’t say this.
Why am I like this?
Why is she still here when she isn’t physically?
Do I let go of this hope? Maybe when decades pass, I might.
But how sure are we to say that a meteor won’t hit earth or the sun might not explode or the earth might not spin out of its axis? which I really hope it doesn’t. But you get where I’m getting at.
How sure are we about the second that passes after the one we are in right now?
It’s just the hope that is getting us going each day and I want to hold on to the hope of Ginny for a little while longer.
I don’t know the time frame of the word little, but I guess it’s till my heart stops beating for her.
I miss her so much, it doesn’t really hurt as much but I can’t stop my tears.
..
rachana rajan <3 