(from Harry’s POV)
Please forgive me if I’m hurting people and my family by saying these things.
But I feel after a certain age, moving out is the best thing a child can do. It might not be common in India, but I strongly feel this.
We need to learn to be independent and look after ourselves. We should not depend on our parents after certain age. To maintain the love and respect, distance is important God.
My parents have changed now and they are trying their best and might be sorry as well. Even I’m trying my best. But I need my space and freedom. I need a lot of space on the days I’m unable to love them when the past clouds my mind.
A lot of hypocrites might point finger at me and say they never shout at their parents, but I don’t think they have dealt with the things I have God. They don’t know the amount of forgiveness I’m holding in my heart for them and the world, after everything that happened.
Sometimes my emotions gets the best of me and I can’t God. I just can’t be in this situation anymore. I want to be alone on those days and heal myself alone.
It’s the little things like when my mom makes noises when I play a song or my parents commenting when I’m on call or not getting the privacy to talk on call or even close the door.
It’s also the big things like controlling me and telling me when to sleep and not or the death stares or the constant intentional hurting and taunting.
I’m sorry God, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry if I’m hurting someone by speaking my mind.
I’ve always dreamt of running away since childhood. I couldn’t handle the torture and the scrutiny. Of not just my parents but everyone around me. You know how many times and days and months I’ve been on the verge of being suicidal. You saw everything. But I didn’t have the money to do so. I was also scared because of the assaults.
Now for the first time in my life I’m ready to live alone.
I’m ready God.
I want this.
rachana rajan <3 