rachana rajan <3

(from Harry’s POV)

I guess progress is not a line going up.

I was doing really well and sometimes because of certain incidents I take two steps back. Because my trauma resurfaces.

I need to work on myself and I am constantly trying and doing that. Its really not in my control what happens and what people think and perceives about me and I’m constantly working on not letting that affect me.

I’m sucessful most days because I am happy. But sometimes no matter how much progress I make, it still affects me.

I’ve been thinking about it alot. Why is it affecting me so much?

I sat with it a long time.

I feel its because I love and care too much. I feel because I love people too much, when they do or say something to hurt me, it hurts a lot. I’m unable to be indifferent about it. This is a flaw.

I have to heal myself and move on each time. It doesn’t stop my life anymore though. But it hurts when I love someone immensely and they do this.

That’s why I resonate to Archer. There’s a line in that, “all the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn’t put me together again because all of my enemies started out friends.”

I don’t know, I still miss them but I keep reminding myself to have self respect and that they are not good for my mental health.

I keep telling myself that they didn’t respect me. Sometimes I kinda get blinded by the love I carry in my heart for them and forget everything that happened. I give them a chance again and again because of that.

But I feel everyone doesn’t grow and change, you know? I’m a different person each day, growing each day. But its not necessary that everyone are like that. Because some people in my past? no matter how many chances I give them and expect change, they are stagnant in their behaviour. Hence whatever I try to forget also resurfaces and I have no choice but to leave them behind.

I love them sometimes and I miss some good memories but I guess it has to end. It makes me sad but I remind myself I have to take care of myself and the trauma its causing.

I didn’t know a lot of things before but I do know them now.

I’m happy I know them now and able to share that with you. Don’t worry about me, I’m good. I always bounce back no matter the step back. I know how to heal myself, been doing that since forever.

🙂