rachana rajan <3

(from Harry’s POV)

I guess I can’t say this to you directly because it’s better to leave the topic for now, but I want you to know this.

I’m sorry for hurting you today, I feel awful.

I’m struggling a lot, some things I don’t show or even write on my blog.

I know you understand where I’m coming from and you get it, because you always get it, even if not at that moment, later on you do.

At this point of life, I just want to be alone. I’m not even looking for a partner or even a friend. I don’t know, I want to be alone a lot these days.

Mostly because of everything that I went through throughout my life and all the experiences I’ve had.

I just want to quietly sit at home and mind my own business and do my things away from the chaos of toddlers and everything and everyone else.

I’m sorry I don’t want to come across as mean but I just want to be alone now mom and I want to prioritize myself and put myself first. I don’t think I’ve ever done that in my life and I’ve always walked through fire for everyone around me, but I can’t do that anymore.

I love my nieces and I care about them, but I guess I’m not in a mind space to share a house with them every single day. I’m not in a mind space to share a house with anyone, not just them.

But as you know I don’t have the money.

I’m trying my best to put the message across that I need the money I have already made.

And when I get it, I guess we will have some peace of mind because then finally I can stay alone in this house and buy a house for you and dad.

We already have peace of mind but somehow at the end of the day, I find myself compromising a lot, in a lot of things.

I guess it’s because I’ve grown up and I have started feeling I need my own space and freedom.

I don’t think I’ve felt that before because I didn’t really have a life before but I have started feeling that a lot lately since couple of months.

This doesn’t mean I don’t love you both anymore, please don’t think that.

I just want to sleep for few months and heal completely but I’m unable to do that.

What I said today is the only option I can see right now.

I just feel bad for thinking about myself because I never really do that.

Thank you for understanding me.