rachana rajan <3

(from Harry’s POV)

When I used to mastrubate when I was young, I had no clue what I was doing.

The only person I used to talk to was God and I kept asking him what is this? and I used to tell him it’s our secret. I used to think of only kissing scenes.

I had no clue what is sex for years.

Even when Bellatrix raped me, I didn’t know what happened, but I said no and I knew I didn’t want to do that. I was not okay with it.

I used to watch porn to educate myself but I didn’t understand what they were doing and honestly I used to find porn scary and I don’t watch more than few seconds.

Even now I find porn scary. I like soft porn on Netflix.

I think I need to grow up some more to like it, I’m not sure?

I really wish Voldemort had just educated me on it instead of doing whatever the fuck she did, my life would have been different.

I would have still faced problems but I wouldn’t have faced this abnormal amount of pain if she was a good friend.

But then I wouldn’t have met Ginny and I don’t think I would want that. But I lost her and I don’t know what to do now, I don’t want anyone else in this world.

I never liked Voldemort’s ex, he used to call me ugly all the time. I liked him platonically though because I used to like people even when they hurt me before.

I was never interested in Voldemort too. I was straight back then. I don’t think I was even straight, I had zero sexual feelings for anyone till Lockhart. I don’t know what it was tbh. Even if I had crushes, it was platonic crushes.

I think there was something about me biting my lips, idk? I used to copy Bella from Twilight, that was it. If people had just spoken to me I would have told them.

I can’t believe this BS continued for so long. I cant believe no one asked me what happened.

I don’t know.

(banging my head on the wall)