(from Harry’s POV)
No matter how many times or ways I express it, my father’s eyes are always on my body.
I’m not talking about the intention but if something is making me uncomfortable, it is valid.
I’ve expressed it in many ways since last couple of years now and he still does it and it fucks me each time.
He never looks at my face. His eyes are always below my neck and glued there.
I don’t know how many times I have to convey it further for him to stop doing this.
Sometimes I wish I had money so that I can distance myself because my parents are never ever going to change. Something they have been doing since 60 years is not going to change by repeating it 100 times daily is what I have realized.
Instead of changing them, I should just detach and distance myself mentally and physically to maintain my peace of mind and sanity.
He plays with the baby to cover up his BS and my mom manipulates, cries and blames everything on my perception to cover up her BS.
I have had enough of this so I just detached myself.
A part of me is dead after what happened and that is my unconditional love for them.
These days I just care how much ever is required and not more than that and that is kinda working for me.
My father has been sneezing like a caveman in our tiny house since childhood with his saliva all over the floor and it stinks, it disgusts me so I asked him to sneeze properly and carry a hanky to cover his mouth. I didn’t ask him to stop his sneeze, I just said sneeze properly, which in fact I’ve been repeating since childhood. But I guess one only changes when one wants to no matter how many times I repeat it.
Because I said that people have been sneezing like him online and everywhere I go. I just feel sorry for myself because even when I try to do something good it back fires on me, so I guess it’s just better to distance myself.
A lot of things like this has been going on.
People don’t realize I’m a human being and still take my video which is violation of my rights and illegal.
I have already established the fact that it is done without my consent and they still do it like I’m some sort of animal.
I feel suicidal every day because of whatever is happening and whatever people are doing. They treat me like an extra terrestrial.
I hope people realize and respect my privacy and put an end to whatever they are doing because even God will not forgive them for this abnormal torture that they are putting me through.
rachana rajan <3 