(from Harry’s pov)
My company has been torturing me since 2 years for something that started because of their mistake.
Things have been getting out of hand since a month and I have been feeling suicidal constantly, the reasons being,
a) I’m unable to stop my meds because of withdrawal symptoms.
b) The constant harassments of Ministry.
c) People taking my videos without my consent and knowledge.
d) Domestic violence.
e) Public do crazy things sometimes.
Hence I decided to take a month off to relax in my room and sleep because I don’t have money to do anything else.
I won’t be getting my salary this month so I spoke to my mom and told her calmly that because of the harassments I took one month off and I need some money for next month to take care of the responsibilities.
She added salt pepper and sugar and made rasam out of the simple conversation and it became a huge fight with me screaming and becoming emotionally and physically drained.
It’s times like this that I wish my parents were understanding, considerate and had humanness in them and weren’t so money minded.
Everything in my family ends up in talking about money and sometimes I just want to not think about that.
I know maybe we aren’t well off and we should think about money too but there are things more important than money, like the fact that I told my mom I’m feeling suicidal.
I wish my mom would have just calmly spoken to me about the why I was feeling that way and helped solve my problem but then I didn’t expect her to do that in the first place because she is not emotionally available and never have been.
Even now I wonder why conversations like this doesn’t happen in Indian household where parents openly express and empathize. Also, most importantly understand.
I don’t really know if this happens only in Indian household or else where too. I can only talk about here since I haven’t been any where else.
So yeah, I just went out for a walk because I didn’t want to stew in the rasam my mom made and I’m just gonna take shower, read and sleep. I hope when I get up tomorrow my parents have empathy in them or maybe they won’t.
But one can hope.
rachana rajan <3 