rachana rajan <3

I’m not sure what happened to my mom.

Last couple of years we were so close and she was my bestfriend. But since two years we started drifting apart because the current has been so strong.

I’m not sure why my parents did what they did.

I don’t know why my parents were desperate to trigger me and make it look like I’m sick. After my mother said it is to bring me down, I took my time and I’m over it now.

She keeps asking me what they should do to make it better. I honestly don’t know.

I feel they assume a lot of things. I’m not sure if my mother thinks I play songs for her to listen when I get up in the morning. I overheard my parents talking about it.

I don’t really do that. The only song that I play intentionally is “give me some sunshine” and that’s when they torture me.

But I don’t know why all this is prolonging for so long.

I’ve honestly let it all go now and I’ve forgiven them too.

I keep expecting them to change but they never do and I’ve made my peace with it because I feel they will never change and I should just stop expecting.

I honestly miss hanging out with my mom.

I miss how close we were.

I just want the games to stop and for us to just move past it.

I want her to learn emotional maturity and make better judgements.

I wish she would just work on herself. It isn’t too late to do all this.

I’ve let it go and I want her to let it go too and start over.

I haven’t said the things she keeps repeating that I said. I’ve already cleared it, I don’t know why she is sticking on to it. (if I had repeatedly said that, then people would have blamed my mind, but it’s somehow okay for others to do it)

I’m always direct while speaking, I haven’t learnt to speak otherwise.

While writing, yes, I’ve learnt passive aggressiveness.

I just want her to stop making everything so dramatic and stop fucking sympathy and just be normal.

I don’t know what went wrong but its never too late to fix it.

Everyone messes up and it’s okay.

I think it could be my mistake about the pant thing, but I wasn’t really going to the temple, I was still deciding.

It was also her mistake too.

It’s both our mistake because we aren’t compatible.

Anyway, I just hope she gets the message. I just want her to stop treating me like an enemy for all the confrontations.

I will try not to do that again because at the end of the day I care and they are old now. I want things to be peaceful at least now.

Please put an end to this cold war because we are in the same team.