rachana rajan <3

When something happens sometimes I don’t understand it because I wouldn’t have caused any harm intentionally.

But I always think about what happened and where things could have gone wrong and if I did something wrong.

Initially I react wrong but as the time passes I feel I get more insight on the situation.

For example the colour white fiasco. I’ve been thinking about it and I feel I communicated it wrong.

My intention was to say it doesn’t suit me and I felt I didn’t say anything wrong for a long time. But today upon further reflection I feel I didn’t complete the sentences and also, I spoke about it not suiting my skin colour.

When I said that, I didn’t think of it in a way that most people in India share my skin color and I created a blunder with my words and now the reaction for what I said is actually making sense.

I’m so painfully slow. It took me so long to realise what happened. Also, I’ve been seeing so many Pinterest white tops that white is my favourite colour now.

I want to apologise for what I said because I realise now that I created this confusion.

I know people have moved on and it’s too late now, but my therapist told me it’s okay to say things as and when I know it and that’s what I’m doing.

Also, I think I understand now why my parents react that way to the songs I play in the morning. I’ve been thinking about it and I feel I get it because I’ve been thinking from their POV.

I want to apologise to them as well for hurting them unintentionally.

I don’t hate my parents because they aren’t bad. I really don’t play those songs for them but I do understand, it can make them uncomfortable, so I promise to be mindful of what I play in front of them. Also, maybe listen to the angry songs on headphones.

A lot of shit happened to me hence I listen to these songs in the morning, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone and I didn’t realise I was hurting my parents because I’m always in my own zone and lost in my world.

I’ve been overthinking a lot and I just wanted to say this.

I do understand things, just that I’m slow and take time.

I don’t have anything else to say for now.

Goodnight.