Sometimes I feel I’m speaking into the void.
Because I’ve said and expressed many things and I find myself repeating it again and again, is it because people don’t understand it or they don’t want to understand, I’m not sure?
People only see me standing up to shit and they choose to be blindsided about my hurt even now.
I get hurt twice always. The hurt that people cause me and the hurt that the world cause me for my retaliations.
Am I supposed to silently suffer when people hurt me? Is that what the world expects from me?
Are things always going to be the same?
My parents aren’t playing games now but it’s so fucking hard to live with them because I remember everything, every single thing.
I don’t hate them or anything and I’m not faking love.
I do love them most times but my memories aren’t erased right? It becomes really hard when I’m sharing this tiny apartment with them after whatever happened.
I’ve said this numerous times but no one is listening, I really don’t know why.
I’ve said a lot of things numerous times, still things repeat.
The world destroyed my life and tortured me for years and they copy my reaction to torture to show me what? God only knows what.
After I explained everything did the torture stop you ask? No, it didn’t, it didn’t.
The bullshit that I go through sometimes is so deep because it comes from everywhere, not one person.
I don’t understand the masochistic behavior as well, why people watch me suffer everyday and gaslight me on top of everything.
I don’t understand what is this shit life anymore.
rachana rajan <3 