rachana rajan <3

I’m going to be 33 years old and the older I grow I feel so does my maturity.

(I’m just putting my thoughts here.)

I was like every other person in India and I wanted to get married when I was 29 and I was okay with arrange marriage too.

But as the days passed and I started meeting men, I understood myself better.

I read in a book that physical intimacy is important in marriage as much as any other factor. Before the only factor I use to check was compatibility.

Now that I understand myself including all my flaws, I feel I don’t want to marry at all unless I’m crazy about someone.

The reason being I don’t crave sex. I have never craved for it because I don’t get attracted to anyone, it’s really rare that I feel that way for someone.

I don’t understand the fuss about sex because I have done it once and I hated it. I don’t know if it’s because I wasn’t attracted to him and he was abusive but I didn’t enjoy it at all.

The other stuff that I have done with men wasn’t that great either and I regretted it each time, other than with Ginny.

Also, I feel the older I get, these things aren’t that big a deal and I can live without it.

When in love, yes, I do feel like it.

But otherwise, no, I’m really not interested in mixing saliva, sweat and body fluids (gag).

Will and Ginny are the only ones I’ve wanted to marry and it’s easy as breathing with them.

But it didn’t happen.

So I guess until I meet someone I’m crazy about again, I really don’t care about marriage or sex or those sorts.

Even if I don’t meet anyone it’s really okay because as I said I don’t crave sex or company.

It’s not like there is no one to get married because if I was desperate to marry I would be married by now, it’s just that I’m not meeting that person.

It’s like when you know, you know and it’s not happening with anyone after Ginny so I’ve stopped thinking about it.