rachana rajan <3

Sometimes I feel guilty for speaking the truth about my family and people I know because I feel I’m betraying them.

I instantly feel the need to make it easier for my family and make them comfortable.

I have to constantly remind myself that they didn’t think about me while they were hurting me.

I was grieving the loss of love which was special to me and my family continuously tortured me to make it look like I’m sick without thinking for one second, how it will impact me and my life.

I had to go through abnormal torture and they didn’t make it easy for me because they were just thinking about themselves.

I should probably let go of the guilt of speaking the truth. I should remind myself that I’m just shedding light on what happened and that’s nothing to feel guilty about.

I should not think for them but for myself.

My mother intentionally tortured me on my birthday too. She just doesn’t stop or even understand what she is doing is wrong. Even father doesn’t understand.

They continue to do what they do always, no matter how many times I talk about it. They seem to have changed these last two days, but I’m not sure if they really have.

I’m constantly scared of living here with them. I don’t trust nor do I feel safe.

I feel so alone sometimes.

I might have emotional support online and from my therapist. But there isn’t someone physically there for me and I don’t have the money to move out, which is what I actually need.

I still care for my parents and I wish they would just change and my father would start lighting lamp for God again and maintain the peace and start over.

I try everyday to love them and be good to them.

I keep wishing they would do the same.

They seem to be doing it now, but I don’t know?