Whenever she used to call, my parents never gave me any privacy.
If I go to the balcony, my parents would come there. I couldn’t talk in the bedroom because I couldn’t lock the door. If I went outside, my mom would follow me there too.
I struggled so much and in the end she stopped calling.
I was going through so much emotionally while speaking to her because of the constant harassments at home and also whatever happened to me in my pursuit for truth.
After that I didn’t get any privacy and I was dying because no one asked me what happened and I was constantly being harassed when all I wanted to do was talk to her.
I didn’t understand what she said the last time we met because she said it indirectly.
By the time I could make sense of it, it was too late.
When she was sending me those reels, I didn’t get it at first. Also, I was going through abnormal inhuman torture at home and at work. My throat was also fucked.
When I understood what she was trying to say, I was extremely sick so I kept pushing her away because I was on the verge of dying. I used to feel suffocated almost every other night.
When she spoke to me again, I pushed her away again and got extremely emotional because I was still sick and I felt I’m not good enough for her. There was so much I wanted to say and I exploded.
Now I’m good and my throat is back to normal.
My feelings have calmed down.
I don’t know how to text her all this, so I’m just leaving this here.
I want the best for her, even if she doesn’t want to be with me. I will always have love and respect, no matter what and keep her in my prayers.
She loved me even when I was a failure and a nobody.
I don’t care about the people who treated me like shit then and are showing up now after proving myself.
Because the bar is up there.
rachana rajan <3 