rachana rajan <3

I shouted at my parents today.

I feel awful.

I feel awful that I’m unable to let go of the past. I feel awful that I speak badly about them. But I don’t know how else to say what happened. But it happened in the past and it’s not happening right now.

That’s what they did up until few weeks ago. But they didn’t do anything after that.

So I guess I shouldn’t dig the past?

They did change so I should not point their mistakes. I should love them and have compassion.

I have all these thoughts in my mind that I have kept locked away in the corner and it always creeps up in the oddest of times and I don’t know what to do about it when it takes over and takes charge of my mind and words.

It’s like I shut down and the harsh words pour out of me even if I don’t want it to.

This is what’s called trauma some might say.

This is what kills relationships says others.

I say I’m possessed by the demons of my past.

How do I let it go though?

Moving out is the only solution I can think of. God do I wish I had the money.

All I do is wish and pray.

That’s all I’ve been doing my whole life.