I realize now that the only time I had sex was abusive and toxic.
The psycho divorcee kept assaulting me in bed. I remember saying no each time before he fingered me with his dirty fingernailed fingers.
He did it again and again even though I said no to it.
I had sex with him only because he manipulated me not because I was ready and I wanted to.
Also, I told you about the condom incident.
I get extremely overpowered with sadness when I think about all the times I’ve been intimate with men because I felt nothing for them.
I shouldn’t have said yes to men when they said they loved me because I never felt the same way.
After the realization dawned on me I decided I’m never going to do that again.
That’s why I keep saying no to the men who show interest in me now.
Because I know better now.
I’m able to make better decisions for myself now.