rachana rajan <3

I miss Ginny so much.

I keep crying when I’m alone because I think about her so much.

I know I should stop thinking about her if it is making me cry but I don’t do it intentionally. Thinking about her is like breathing, it is so unconscious and always there.

I feel it in me always.

My heart always grows and feels and the tears flow down my cheeks unknowingly.

I’m sure I want to be with her but I want to be with her only if she wants it too.

I want to give her the space to decide if she wants it too.

I understand if she is unsure because I feel we might need to date some more for her to be sure.

Whatever we had abruptly ended and it makes sense if she needs that.

I don’t know what she wants honestly.

I’m okay even if she doesn’t choose me in the end because I’m well aware that I’m different and not easy to be with. It might be difficult for people to accept me.

She is a really good person and I want the best for her. Not choosing me doesn’t change that.

I might never meet someone like her again. I’ve accepted that reality.

She is the best thing that’s happened to me.

I have kinda let it go too because maybe she is engaged or with someone.

I miss her though and might always do.

My heart might stop aching one day on a random Tuesday afternoon and the tears might also stop.

I know I speak highly of her and it might seem like she is perfect but she is not perfect. The thing is, I’ve seen all the not perfect sides to her and I love all her imperfections too.

I love every tiny thing about her.

Loving the imperfections of a person is what makes you sure about them and want to grow old with them. That’s when you know that they are the one.

I don’t really expect anything, you know?

I don’t really expect her to choose me or be with me or anything.

But all I can think of is kissing her and holding her hand and so many other things and nostalgia hits me like a fucking wave and warms my heart.

I’m so grateful to have experienced what I did, even if it didn’t last.

I guess it’s enough to last a lifetime because I’m pretty sure I might never fall in love again.