2 days ago when I was writing and busy, mother kept repeating the same question to me multiple times inspite of saying no once.
I explained to my mother not to talk to me when I’m busy because she is breaking my chain of thoughts and I tend to forget what I’m thinking.
I repeated it two times because mother doesn’t understand things if I say it once.
I also explained to her that I will eat when I’m hungry and not to continuously ask me to eat when I’m not.
Yesterday, after dinner I said to mother that I’m full, I don’t want bread and to keep the bread inside the fridge and came back inside.
After sometime, I was busy with my laptop and thinking about something that was important and wanted to make a note of.
Mother came inside to use the loo, while she was leaving I said, please close the door. But she stood there and asked me if I want bread, I said no please close the door.
But she kept repeating if she should keep the bread inside the fridge. She repeated it three times.
I forgot my chain of thoughts again.
I had already set the boundary 2 days ago and explained to her what I feel.
But she repeated the same thing yesterday. So I set the boundary again sternly.
She dramatized the whole thing after that.
Yesterday I wore a short skirt to go out and when I walked out of the bedroom door, father started staring at me again.
No matter how many times I say things and set the boundary in this house, they never listen and change or respect my words.
Now I’m just exhausted.
They are never going to change even if I give them million second chances.
When they do this, I remember all the times father and mother kept stabbing my trauma continuously with a knife to get a reaction from me and smile when they do.
I remember everything but I try to not think about the past and forgive and have grace.
They cross my boundaries everyday. Talking and explaining and trying to make them understand things is of no use.
Because they never change.
rachana rajan <3 