rachana rajan <3

I’m not completely okay.

My throat is fixed now but I still don’t feel good at times. It’s hard to explain.

Sometimes in the night I feel weak. I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s because I’m sleepy?

My stamina is not like before too.

I work at 75-80 percent energy.

My mind doesn’t work sometimes too. Maybe it’s not always because of my parents because now my parents aren’t doing anything and I still don’t function at times.

My resolve to be compassionate towards them has killed my anger but I do feel inconvenient at times because of the close proximity and history.

It could also be because of everything I’ve been through, maybe.

I’m not entirely confident whether I can kiss like I used to before. I haven’t done that since I fell sick, now I’m okay but I don’t feel confident about doing it.

I don’t feel confident about drinking something cold too.

It’s like I get scared I might go back to being sick.

I’m kinda weak mentally too. I can’t handle anymore of the gaslighting and repeating the same thing 100 times to my parents.

I don’t know. I’m just tired now of it. I wish they just stop pretending.

I wish my parents would understand things the first or second time I say things.

I badly want to place some distance between us.

Maybe I should just be alone and not expect a partner or even Ginny to come back when this is how I feel.

She can be with someone normal and have a normal life. I should not expect because I don’t really feel good enough for her.