No matter how much effort I put in to maintain peace, happiness and love at home, my parents never seem to change.
Yesterday my mother came inside the bedroom to use the loo. She saw that I was busy and she asked me intentionally if I want milk.
She knows very well I don’t drink milk at all and I don’t drink coffee as well after dinner.
She just wanted a reaction out of me. She wanted me to shout.
She has been doing this from a very long time. So long time that I have lost my patience with her.
I already made her understand about this behavior, couple of days ago when she did it intentionally.
I repeated it almost 30 times so that the message sinks in.
She did it again yesterday.
My parents don’t like the fact that I’m trying to maintain peace, happiness and love at home.
They are always bloody playing games to make me shout. My mother is extremely desperate. She doesn’t care about sabotaging my peace.
She just wants to thrive in sadness because apparently it gives her a high. Also, she is a sympathy fucker.
I still don’t hate them. I have let it go again for the millionth time.
I have accepted the reality that they are never going to change.
Mother gave the excuse that she wants to be close to me. I have tried initiating conversations with her so many times but she chooses to be close to me exactly when I’m busy.
What a lame excuse to hide her evil.
She did the same thing when I was getting ready to go out on April during vishu.
When I came out to get water outside, she started smiling uncontrollably looking at my pant. Later she came inside to use the loo and started begging me not to wear that pant because she knows very well I will flip about it.
Before she used to hit me and what not. I already told you everything.
So she knows that if she asks me to not wear something and put her anxiety on me, it will trigger my trauma, so she did exactly that.
She has been doing this since so many years now.
I never understood it before. Even father did it.
It’s only been a couple of months that I understood what’s happening and they are stabbing my trauma continuously to make me shout and bring me down.
Mother even admitted doing it. She even said she wants me to suffer and die. They were also jealous of my success.
They were extremely desperate to make it look like I’m sick because they didn’t want the truth to come out.
A lot of people didn’t want the truth to come out.
To add to all this, the world kept hurting me based on their charades.
In spite of all that, I have again let it go and again forgiven them.
I’m just waiting to move out and be at peace and be away from this toxic environment.
My parents are never going to change, no matter how many second chances I give them. Period.
rachana rajan <3 