rachana rajan <3

Whenever there is a problem, my mind goes into problem solving mode.

I pick at it from different perspectives and different POVs and try to understand what went wrong and where is it going wrong.

If I’m unable to understand or find a solution, I keep it aside till I have more insight on the topic.

When I have more insight, I come back to it and then try to find a solution.

I also think of all possible consequences, which might not be a good thing to do but sometimes it’s helpful.

I have been trying to prove I’m normal since a long time. Since day one actually. I’m proud of myself that I was finally able to convey it.

Anyway, this is how my mind works on a problem.

I love helping and solving everyone’s problems, but unfortunately my mind can’t take it when it gets too much and when my friends trauma dumps on me all the time.

I don’t mind being there for them but they don’t reciprocate it, when it gets one sided, I bolt.

I’m really not good at making friends. I’m a good friend but I haven’t met anyone who meets my definition of friendship other than the men I loved.

I feel loving and caring about people from a distance is good. Always keeping a safe distance when I want to be on good terms.

When I get too close, there is always so much going on. (I already told you this.)

I’m always good to them but people I talk to have all this unnecessary emotions like jealousy, competition, ego, greed, evilness or they make it sexual.

Then there is all this misunderstandings and they hurt me without trying to clear the air.

All this is too much work.

Now I’m able to make better decisions so if in case I ever make friends, I know what to do. I’m prepared because I have been working on how to deal with things.

Anyway, I’m not God because I hate certain people and I’m unable to forgive some. I’m not going to force myself to do it as well. If it happens in the course of time, it happens.

I’m not going to pretend and say I forgive them just so I seem noble. I’m going to say it as it is because I’m not interested in being God.

God always forgives and never hates anyone. So there you have it.

Some things are too much to process, tbh.