rachana rajan <3

I don’t really talk about Ginny with anyone, I haven’t really said much to my therapist as well.

I’ve never spoken much about Will too.

I’m kinda like that. I don’t share much about men I love. I like to keep those memories and thoughts to myself.

I don’t say more than required.

So many thoughts keep running on my mind and it’s too late to say it to her as well, so I just put them here.

I can’t text all these things too.

I sent her so many text messages, I don’t know if she read them. I can’t ask as well.

I don’t remember much about what I write here, I don’t really go back and read.

If I’m repeating myself just ignore.

I don’t really hate my parents anymore. All my anger is also gone long ago.

It’s just hard sometimes.

I feel they don’t care about me much.

I don’t understand the intention behind why they trigger me intentionally even after constantly repeating that I’m trying to maintain peace.

If they cared they wouldn’t do that right?

I don’t know.

I keep confronting mother. I don’t know, I just want space.

I don’t want to be here. I do care about them but it’s so fucking hard to be here.

My life has become kinda abnormal? Idk.

I don’t know when all this started and how I became so famous.

I’m not sure why everyone wants to know every tiny detail?

I have to really think and remurage things out of my mind. Honestly, so much has happened.

I can’t believe people are thinking about something I did when I was 19 and saying it to me now. I mean, you see what I mean right?

I’m not really sure why no one spoke to me directly back then and even now.

I think all this while I’ve been obsessing so much over losing Ginny and screaming and fighting with everyone that I totally didn’t realise the fact that Taylor Swift actually wrote songs about me and there are movies made on something about me and books.

Omg what’s wrong with me?

I think I’m supposed to be happy right?

Omg why have I been continuously crying and ignoring the world?

I don’t know what’s wrong with me?

I’ve been thinking about her 247 and fought with everyone and she doesn’t even want to be with me.

Omg!