rachana rajan <3

The first time I saw a dick was when I went to Bellatrix’s house.

I didn’t know what it was till then. I didn’t even know there is something like that. Bellatrix made me to keep giving him blowjob and taught me how to do it.

He used to keep asking me to do it and used me.

At that time I didn’t know what’s rape, blowjob, sexual assault etc.

I had no idea what he was doing and making me do.

He used to say he loves me so I loved him back. I used to love everyone back then, I didn’t know to hate.

I never felt anything for him.

Sometimes I used to fake and do things to make him happy even though I didn’t want to.

It was like I was trying to please him even though it was hurting me because I didn’t know how to say no.

I didn’t know anything.

But whatever I said happened with him is true.

After that, whichever guy I did things with (with my consent) I did what I was told and I kinda didn’t have an understanding about what I like and what I don’t.

I was just faking it the entire time.

I kinda didn’t have an understanding that I didn’t have to do things to please others and I can have my own personal stand when I’m physical with someone.

I don’t really enjoy blowjob, I do it because I was asked to and I felt that’s the norm.

I’m good at it though.

I might like it if I do it with someone I love. But I can’t say because I haven’t experienced it.

I said no to the men I dated last year when they asked for it.

I’ve been reading a lot of adult books, so now I know what I want and what I don’t.