rachana rajan <3

(This is based on what I have understood)

I was not smart growing up.

I was good at things like studying, reading and things I often did. But I didn’t know anything back then.

I started understanding a lot of things only after therapy and also, specifically after I started speaking to my current therapist. She is really good and helped me a lot this last one year.

Also, after I started reading extensively and educating myself online.

I don’t know if people are sticking on to my Instagram post even now.

But yeah, I’m saying this based on what I see online.

Also, with the waitresses initially I was good to them and tried being friends.

But as I said before it wasn’t working out. So I let it go because I don’t believe in keeping casual friendships.

I frequently went to the restaurants even after that because I like going there and I’m always in my head. I have my own things and problems.

I never really think about them when I go there.

But they continuosly approached me so I continued speaking to them whenever I was there.

I do not like hurting anyone so I’m always kind and empathetic, I let things slide and forgive. I help and make people who speak to me feel good about themselves.

I tried being friends again and again because they were constantly approaching me but I just couldn’t.

I didn’t feel any connection.

In the end it got too much to take, so I complained.

That’s it.

I do understand if they like talking to me and stuff but I was just keeping it casual.

I haven’t really felt any connection from my end.

A lot of people have stopped talking to me and I have stopped speaking to a lot of people.

That’s life.

Sometimes things don’t work out.

I don’t understand why this was being blown out of proportion when there was barely any friendship.

I’ve already spoken about everything.

I didn’t backstab anyone.

I do understand where that person in social is coming from but she does have a lot of behavioural issues.

She wasn’t respecting my space and boundaries.

The person in 46 was friendly and nice. She is a good person, I don’t really have any complains.

But it wasn’t working out with her as well. I already said why.

I think she might be the one who must have spread things about me. I’m assuming it’s her based on whatever happened.

She is not really my type and also, I’m not attracted to women in real life and I’m straight since a very long time.

Also, after every single thing that happened to me since last one month, the sexual assaults, harassments and near death experiences.

I’m sorry but it’s really difficult to rekindle things with anyone whom I stopped speaking to.

I care about them as a human being from a distance but I cannot do more than this. It’s become too serious and gotten out of hand.

Also, I already said everything on why I cannot. There are further more things that happened and it just doesn’t feel right.

I cannot force myself to feel something I don’t as well. Also, most importantly I cannot fake it.

I have to feel from within to do it.

I have no clue why this is prolonging and what exactly people want.

I’m literally so fed up.