rachana rajan <3

I feel really sick again.

It’s October 1st 2.22AM.

I can go on complaining about how everything that happened was so unfair.

But I don’t want to.

So instead I will just tell you the thoughts that’s running on my mind.

I’m thinking in case if something happens to me, these things would be left unsaid, so I’m putting it here.

I was thinking about mother and everything that she went through.

I understand her.

Maybe she made the wrong choices and maybe she behaved slightly different from what was expected because she didn’t know better based on the circumstances and her limited knowledge at the given time.

But that doesn’t take away the good in her. That doesn’t take away the strength she has and her persistence to hold on and courage to change.

I want to wake her up and tell her, I have never taunted her indirectly or tried to blame her. My questions were out of curiosity and that’s it.

I know I have been angry and maybe that anger was justified. But I’m glad we made it out of the storm.

I see the good she does and I still love her.

Another thought on my mind right now is whether Ginny can love again. I hope she does and she is happy.

I don’t know why I’m thinking all this. Maybe my throat will get better in the morning and I should just sleep it off.

But sometimes when I feel too sick I get scared and say everything on my mind out loud.

Because nothing scares me more than all the love in me that’s unsaid.