rachana rajan <3

First and foremost I want to make it clear that whatever was written in “days at the morisaki bookshop” is not true.

I’m aware that it’s Dhruv’s perception and it is bullshit.

Dhruv is one of the most disgusting creepy boy I’ve ever met in my life.

He keeps ogling at my body like a deranged hyena. With his eyes bulging out of its sockets, mouth agap and a really creepy disgusting expression on his face always.

Every time he has made a move on me, I always put him in his place.

Whenever he asked to hold hands, I say no. Whenever he asks if we could be more, I said no.

I always put him in his place and made him understand it can’t happen.

I loved him as my friend though because back then I loved everyone.

I found him extremely creepy.

He behaved extremely weird and flaky when whatever was happening to me 2 years ago, so I cut him off.

Later we started speaking when I had tonsils and every time he opened his mouth he would speak about sex or sexual topics.

We went to a pub and I was extremely suicidal at that time and I was on the verge of dying so I let him hold my hand and I hugged him in the pub.

He spoke about fingering me. I didn’t get it at that time because I’m slow.

He hugged me in the bus stop, I was extremely lost because of my suicidal feeling so I didn’t stop him.

After I reached home I realised what happened and I cut him off again.

Later he sent me a text explaining why he said that and apologized.

So I started speaking to him again because I was extremely weak at that time because Ginny told me the reels were not implying anything. She said “it’s fucking reels”.

That was the first time Ginny hurt me so I was really weak and my health was also fucked.

So when I met Dhruv 2 times. I hugged him 3 times. He called me to his PG and I said no.

Last time I met him he kept ogling at me as always. I ignored him because I was desperate for a friend.

I said we’ll go to Starbucks. But he wanted to go somewhere else.

In the end we decided to go to beir library.

I had not gone there since the last time I met Ginny because I knew I will not be able to handle it.

So when we were in the auto I was actually really heartbroken. We listened to music in silence.

After we reached there, I sat at the same table and I leaned my head on his shoulder and I was secretly crying.

He kept holding my hand and said I’m hot.

I ignored him because men are always saying that to me, I never take it seriously.

Later we went to social, I was extremely heartbroken so I told him, I’m an indoor plant without my ex and I will never go to Thailand again because that’s the place Ginny and I were planning to go.

I started crying and leaned my head on his shoulder. He kept holding my hand, I kinda didn’t realise it because I was crying and in my own world.

After coming home and when Dhruv spoke about the song lover by Taylor Swift is when I realised that I played that song.

I just randomly played a song on my playlist because I was thinking about Ginny the entire time.

I have never thought about Dhruv even when I’m with him and when I’m talking to him.

I have always said no to his advances.

….

I don’t know what people mean by “educted wish” because I had no fucking clue Ginny was going to come back and she loves me.

I gave her the freedom to decide because I know all my flaws. I don’t expect anything from anyone.

I knew she loves me but I didn’t know she will come back. When we were dating she was really indecisive.

That’s why I didn’t want to force. I wanted her to be 100% sure.

I spoke about my feelings here so that she can make an informed decision.

…

I went to beire library only 2 times after that.

After I got the rose tattoo and recently that I told you about.

..