rachana rajan <3

I think I already spoke about Deepak GS and Ashwin. The two men whom I genuinely tried to fall in love with and marry last year.

I don’t know why I have to repeat again. But yeah, I will do so.

I spoke to Deepak GS for one month. I met him 3 times. We didn’t date exactly.

We met on a matrimony website, so it was just casual meeting to see if we want to marry.

For one month, he spoke continuously about his job and everything else about him without asking me a single question the entire time.

He says he reads book, but he can’t read even a single sentence in the book.

He can’t form a single sentence as well.

I ignored that because even I can’t speak fluently.

It was extremely overwhelming and draining because of his one sided conversations.

I really tried to like him but I couldn’t.

Even when we met it was one sided conversations the entire time.

I didn’t like his values and way of thinking as well.

I hated the way he thinks and his thoughts and views on topics.

The most important thing was that he didn’t understand me.

It became really clear that he lacks maturity and his priorities were also not working out for me.

It started becoming clear that it wasn’t going to work.

On top of all this, he kept repeating “kiss me” like a parrot. When I didn’t he started threating me.

After a month, I met Dhruv and I said that to Deepak.

I told him that I’m going to meet a male friend and he turned into a maniac.

He started insinuating and saying things like I’m seeing another man and it’s not my friend. He said he wants this friend’s LinkedIn so that he can message him.

I got pissed because we weren’t even dating and he was behaving like a psycho.

So I removed him from my Instagram and he became extremely crazy.

In the end I shouted at him saying the entire one month we spoke, he didn’t ask me a single question.

I confronted him about him threating me when I refused to kiss him and he turned into a maniac again.

He behaved extremely crazy. He said he didn’t ask me questions because my job isn’t good and he is successful and doing good in life so his life is more important.

So I blocked him.

I also notice how someone treats me during a fight which is important to me.

Also, I didn’t love him no matter how much I tried because there was absolutely no connection between us. Nothing else was working out as well.

It was extremely draining as well because of his one sided conversations.

After sometime, I called him and spoke to him casually and said to him why it wasn’t working, asked questions about him and ended it peacefully.

Later towards the end of last year when I had tonsils and when there was a lot of problems going on at home. Also, I stopped speaking to Ginny because I was going to die.

I needed a friend so I called him.

I clearly mentioned to him that I want to talk to a friend that’s why I’m calling him.

I asked him if he can get his car because I didn’t want to go to a restaurant and I just wanted to sit in the car and talk.

He said his dad took the car or something like that.

After he came, I started crying and said bits and pieces about what happened at home.

Instead of consoling me he said that when I’m on a date with someone I shouldn’t cry.

I said to him again, I’m just looking for a friend.

Later he asked me if I was in touch with Dhruv. I said I don’t have friends right now.

He smiled and said that’s great now we can get married. I clarified again that I just want a friend.

After that when I was leaving he stopped me and said, he is not finding any girls and his bestfriend is married so he is really bored at home.

So because of these reasons he wants to get married and he wants to marry me.

I didn’t know how to tell him again that I was just looking for a friend. Also because I cried I was fucked up. I asked him if he can please drop me home and he did.

After dropping he suggested we take a walk and I said okay.

He started talking about buying a car and he spoke about a lot of things again without asking me a single question.

Later he said he wants to marry me and he will be with me forever.

He held my hand and hugged me.

I clearly said that I don’t love him and I again said I just wanted a friend.

After that I came home and I said to him again that it isn’t working.

That was the last time I wanted a friend. After that I just let it go.

I was really weak because of my throat and I clearly set the right expectations and said I just wanted a friend.

After that I stopped needing company because I was becoming self reliant.

There was an other person Ashwin.

We didn’t really speak much. We had few conversations on the phone.

We texted couple of times.

He said he hates going down on women and he started asking me questions which was off putting.

He was also really sex obsessed and always made the conversation sexual which I didn’t like.

We sexted once, I wasn’t really into it.

He spoke about all the things he likes to do in bed and said he will go down on me if I return the favor.

I didn’t know what to say, so I said I like to play with it. I didn’t know how to say I can’t do it.

The whole conversation was getting weird because it was constantly about sex.

I didn’t enjoy the sexting and idk, nothing really felt right whenever we spoke.

I ended it.

Later texted him asking if he wants to be friends. He wasn’t interested.