rachana rajan <3

I didn’t feel Kreacher’s pimple like how the doctor at the hospital did to me.

I lightly tapped it like a feather just once.

I have never said or done anything to her which was out of ordinary to create any sort of misunderstandings.

It’s not my fault that her mind is in a closed boxed.

But I understand where she is coming from, based on her life experiences and upbringing etc.

But I haven’t done anything out of ordinary. I was being friendly, kind, empathetic and polite.

She was constantly cribbing so I showed empathy which is my character.

That’s all.

I’m that way to everyone I speak to.

She was taking advantage of that and using me and forcing friendship.

When I didn’t comply, she showed her true colors.

….

Also, because of whatever happened with Voldemort and friends, a lot of people used to approach me and be my friend.

It’s making sense now why they did that.

Before I felt it’s because I’m good at making friends, now I realise the truth.

I do see the bigger picture now.

Anyway the point I’m making is that, because of that reason I have had a lot of people come and go in my life.

I have been social.

Hence I’m open minded and I don’t take things seriously.

I had abandonment issues initially, as I mentioned before, because of the experience with Voldemort.

But later, after working on myself. I came out of it.

If I wanted to, I could have opened up about what Kreacher did in the beginning itself.

But I stayed silent for a long time to save her name.

You can go back and read my blogs.

I usually just let things slide and try to see good in people.

I opened up completely only after I realised the betrayal and what really happened.

I’m a good person I don’t need to prove it.

Also, I don’t talk shit unless I’m provoked and pushed over the edge.

…..

Having insecurities is normal.

Everyone has them.

But projecting it onto someone else and ruining their life and reputation to bring them down, is not okay.

…..

Varsha Vinod did it too.

I had never seen her in my life because of covid but I considered her as a good friend, she reciprocated too.

I confided about feeling horny while working because of this reason.

Ginny and I were going to do it.

I told her you are a good friend that’s why I’m saying all this to you.

I came out to her at the same time.

We used to keep texting and we sort of had a connection as well.

Later, when I saw her in office.

I couldn’t recognise her because I have never seen her.

I have just seen her Instagram where she has long her and dressed in kurtha.

When I saw her she had short her and she was wearing western clothes.

She introduced herself and I said, I didn’t recognise you.

I said that two times.

And because of whatever I said in the text about being bisexual and not liking anyone in office because no one is my type.

I don’t know why, but I guess the whole thing made her insecure about herself.

She called me and showed her ID and asked if she looks different and I said yes.

Then she called me a dead body.

I was shocked and said what.

She repeated it again.

That’s when I had the panic attack.

I never thought anything negative about her but she projected her insecurities onto me.

…..

It’s because of these reasons I stopped calling everyone as my friend.

I have had so many experiences like this.

I have had good experiences too though.

…..

I do understand why people misunderstood me in the past.

All the preconceived notions about me and stuff.

But the puzzle is solved in front of me now.

I do know for a fact what isn’t a misunderstanding and a character flaw or evil.

I do have an understanding of situations.

Whatever Kreacher did is a character flaw because I had cleared all the misunderstandings these last two years and everyone understood me too.

She did whatever she did because I was not going along with her forcing.

I was trying not to hurt her but she was spoiling my name and betraying me.

And ganged up to destroy me.

And spoilt my name to save her ass and save face.

I was keeping quiet for such a person.

…..

I’m sure everyone in this world doesn’t like some people in their life because of what they did.

I do not understand why the world is hurting me and pretending not to like me and intentionally troubling me because I don’t like certain people because of what they did.

Just to get even with me and forcing forgiveness and shit.

I haven’t done anything to anyone in this world for them to not like me.

If I don’t like certain people it’s because of what they did and it is valid.

But people of this world intentionally doing it for the sake of those evil people is not fair or valid.

Instead of forcing me to forgive, you should force the perpetrators to apologise.

Forgiveness is subjective and I don’t want to beat myself up to be okay with someone and forgive someone who did so much shit and evil.

…..

I haven’t done anything to Kreacher too.

She started the shit.

If she is suffering for her shit that she started, I don’t understand why the world is dragging me down with her.

….

Same goes for others too.

….

I have spoken about everything that happened too.

I’m the victim here and I was the one who suffered but I’m choosing not to suffer anymore and move on.

And leave it in the past and move forward.

Because I don’t have a victim’s mentality.

…..

If I treat someone poorly tomorrow or become an alcoholic and chain smoker or do drugs.

People will understand because of my shitty past.

But I’m not doing such things because I’m not that kinda person.

My past was more fucked up than majority of people in this world.

People can’t use their shitty past as an excuse for their fuck ups and shitty behaviour.

Because who you are as a person is your character and what you do is a choice.

Don’t give lame excuses and use your past as an excuse for the shit you do or staying stuck or your mistreatments.

If you do such things, you are joker of the DC universe.

Nothing else.

…….

I have peace in knowing God will take care of things even if the world doesn’t.

…..

I’m not being smooth or gaming.

People asked me my side of the story and clarification, very late.

And now that the truth is out and I’m innocent.

They are saying smooth because it’s much easier to deny the truth that I was innocent all along than accept that people fucked up.

Just because I was able to prove myself and I’m still alive, doesn’t mean there’s anything to it.

When I have clearly spoken about everything.