The bedroom that saw the countless nights when I battled suffocation and death.
The bedroom where I grieved and balled my eyes over the loss of the life that I took a lifetime to build.
The bedroom where I made cringey YouTube video one after the other and didn’t give up because my life counted on it.
The bedroom where I poured my heart day in day out on my blog.
The bedroom where I kept crying because I couldn’t tell the man I love that I love him, when my life was flashing in front of my eyes on my deathbed.
The bedroom where I escape to from the world’s horrors.
The bedroom that witnessed rage and yearning.
My life was in this bedroom these last few years and it saw the worst of battles.
The bedroom where I almost lost my mind two months ago.
Even in saying so, this is much better than the life I had when I wasn’t living here.
Thus has been my life.
Now I lay in the aftermath of the long battle awake at 1.25AM.
And things are good after a life time of struggle.
I miss him terribly and I’m waiting.
Dreaming about a life that could be.
I don’t want to be here even though my bedroom is perfect now with the bookshelf and the Christmas tree and the fairy light.
I’m content with my life and happy to an extent because I’ve always wanted what I have now and thinking about what could be tomorrow.
I’ve never felt happy thinking and dreaming about the future till now.
But I am now.
These thoughts and excitement feels foreign to my mind because I never think of it myself.
I never expect because I taught myself to expect disappointment always.
But now I’m living for the hope of it all.
When did it all work out?
rachana rajan <3 