rachana rajan <3

Please don’t force me to forgive when I’m angry.

It just makes me more angry.

I can’t do or say something I don’t feel like doing or saying.

Let me feel the anger, sit with it and process it.

Let the anger subside and heal.

Then comes forgiveness.

It will happen organically eventually.

Don’t pressurize me and put me in a spot to beat myself up.

Let it flow and it will happen in it’s own due course along the way.

…..

Also, please stop listening to my conversations with my therapist.

I need some space and privacy.

…..

Askaban was bullshit but I learnt how to speak.

All the men I dated casually were toxic but because of them I got a clarity on what I’m looking for in a partner and it kinda broadened my mind in a way that I don’t get attached.

When I think it’s casual, I can easily keep it casual without getting hurt.

Even if we kiss and stuff.

Also, after all the bullshit that I faced, I stopped feeling the need for a boyfriend and physical intimacy just for the sake of it.

It kinda killed that desperation for wanting someone.

After that experience, I prioritise someone only when it’s meaningful and I see a future with them.

And it’s a yesssssss he’s the one.

That’s why I didn’t settle for the men whom I met after Ginny because I no longer had that desperation that I had initially when I started dating.

And I had all these experiences, so I could think and decide clearly.

It didn’t feel right with anyone else after Ginny.

I just couldn’t feel it or see a future with them or see myself living with them.

I can’t place my finger on the exact reason but I feel it’s because Ginny had set the bar so high.

My point of saying all this is,

Everything you go through in life is a lesson.

You learn and take away something from it, no matter how shitty that particular situation was at that time.

Take the good and leave the rest.

Push it out of your mind and your universe.

When you look back, you can make sense of it and realise, yes it had to happen the way it happened and wouldn’t have happened any other way.

Maybe things were really shitty.

But it makes sense when I put it this way because life kinda doesn’t make sense otherwise, you know?

It’s not what happened to you, it’s how you say it.

How you choose to see it.

You can reach here to this point only if you consciously decide to do the work and heal.

Take action and make the changes.

No one is going to do it for you.

People can guide you and motivate you.

Also, support you.

But at the end of the day.

It’s just you, you have to fucking do it for yourself.