Note.

See everyone has intrusive thoughts.

When someone betrays me.

I feel like pushing them from the edge of the cliff. No matter how appealing that thought feels, I won’t do it.

When I was raped and assualted sexually, I felt like stabbing them sometimes. I did think about it but I won’t act on it.

When Will used to post pictures with his wife after breaking my heart, I used keep crying and sometimes cried myself to sleep.

I couldn’t sleep on his wedding day and days after he got married.

We stayed friends and I used to see his Instagram and cry so damn much.

When Ginny used to meet her female friends when we were dating, I used to cry.

We weren’t officially together back then, so I couldn’t speak about it.

When he would look at other women, I used to come back home and cry.

Instead of talking about it with her, I started dressing like them and speaking about them.

When she said she is engaged, I didn’t feel jealous because I was on the verge of dying back then.

But I cried so much.

This is the closest I’ve come to jealousy. I don’t know if this is called being jealous. But yeah.

When I have a crush on someone, I think about kissing them and stuff.

I’m aware everyone has numerous thoughts like this.

It’s natural, normal, valid and very human.

But what defines you as a person and who you are is what you do, what thoughts you act upon and the choices you make.

If I take a gun and shoot innocent people at the park tomorrow, the world will understand why I did that because of my past.

They will not agree with me and will create riots but will understand.

But I will never do that. That’s not who I am. I will never cause intentional harm this way.

Yes, my life was unfair and I faced unimaginable pain and suffering. But that doesn’t mean, I should take it out on innocent people.

At the end of the day, the choice is ours on who we want to be as a person and what we do.

This is our life and we are the main character in our life. So we decide the narrative.

What happens to us might not be in our control but the narrative and plot is.

We write our own story.

No matter what happens, how you say it depends on you.

To quote my two favorite characters,

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on…that’s who we really are.” – Sirius Black.

“It is not our abilities that show who we truly are, it is our choices.” – Albus Dumbledore.