Note.

When someone says something couple of times.

In the past, I had a habit of repeating it even if I don’t mean or feel it.

Just like how toddlers do.

It was because my mind was not completely developed.

I still get scared because of what I was doing in the past even if I no longer do it.

Because I feel I might say something I hear again and get in trouble again for something I didn’t do.

It’s like a trauma that eats at me at the back of my mind.

It’s also a fear.

I get really scared and I feel conscious with all the attention.

I’m scared of fucking up even though fucking up just means that I’m human.

I didn’t know there are bad people in this world in the past. I didn’t know what’s right and wrong.

I felt everyone are good and loved everyone unconditionally in a platonic sense.

It takes me some time to realise that some people are actually not good or have good intentions for me.

Even now.

Because I’m slow.

But I have a work around because I’m good at thinking and certain other things.

So yeah, I have learnt to get by.