Dear Dairy.

My mental health is deteriorating by existing in this situation.

Where I’m already successful, but I’m struggling for my basic needs.

On top of this,

The full weight of what happened since August is hitting me hard.

I was so busy fighting relentlessly since it started, that I didn’t feel my feelings completely and sit with it.

So now, I break down at times.

Thinking about how my throat was finally fixed and Ginny was finally going to come back.

And shit happened.

I was going to die and I was begging God to keep me alive.

This is by far, one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.

It will take me sometime to move past it completely.

There are so many thoughts that piles up in my head.

Therapy helps me to speak about them and sort it out.

But since I don’t have money for therapy, all the thoughts are bottling up and I don’t really feel that great.

I don’t have friends, so I reached out to Will few times.

I don’t really want to do that because it feels wrong, in a way.

His wife might not like us to speak, even if we are just friends.

Also, I don’t know how Ginny feels about it.

We aren’t official yet, but I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable in any way.

I don’t know.

I just want some money because if I can speak to my therapist again, I can avoid all this.

I watched Veer Zaara recently and I broke down completely.

My head started throbbing, because so relatable.

I don’t feel good.

Existing without money is painful when life is already a mess.

I want this to be over and done.