rachana rajan <3

1.13AM.

I just woke up because mosquitoes.

God.

Anyway.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed,

but I haven’t complained about people who were good to me here.

I have not said anything about their secrets that they confided too because it’s not mine to share.

I might not be in touch with them but I still care about them and they were always good and I still consider them as a friend.

Like Sid, Nikita Metha, Will, etc.

I have not revealed anything about my therapist and Ginny too.

I always speak good things.

We’ve had some differences here and there but it’s all good.

I don’t speak anything much about people when I speak to someone.

I don’t share my problems too even if they are close.

People in my past kept silencing me whenever I would share something, so I stopped all together.

I started keeping things light and making jokes instead.

You can ask people if they know what I have written here because no one knows.

I wrote things here to clear the immense misunderstandings and took revenge because I was wronged.

I couldn’t keep it all inside me anymore.

Also, to prove my innocence and sanity.

I didn’t expect it to become what it has become now.

I didn’t even know what was happening till I watched Jawan, then my therapist said things and I saw it online too.

I tried to protect Peter Pettigrew too by sugar coating the truth but she lied about me, hence I spoke the truth.

I never saw it coming, tbh.

I overthink a lot of things, so I usually see things coming.

Her energy was off since the beginning.

But I forgave her because I don’t usually speak against weak people.

Also, we barely even spoke.

But yeah.

Everyone helped, so I could prove myself again.

It was crazy.

Please don’t think I always speak badly about people I know and write everything here, because I don’t.

Thank you for helping me and all the support online.

I’m so grateful for all the support, it means the world to me.

It makes things easier to bear after everything that I faced.

I’m sorry that I didn’t get what was going on before.

The police and law are involved, that’s why the scrutiny right?

I guess everyone are helping me and making me speak.

I’m sorry for screaming. I was so fucked up and I didn’t know what was happening.

I don’t know how long this would go on for because I don’t think I can take it anymore.

I’m depleted and I have nothing left to say.

I love you all so much for everything you’ve done for me and taking the time to solve my life and help.

I feel so blessed and loved.

After the life I’ve had, it feels good to be loved and validated.

It makes things easier.

I’m so glad we reached here together.

It was a long difficult meandering road.

Gosh!

I miss Ginny so much. I’m feeling so restless.

No one in their right mind would reject the men I rejected.

Like Arun, sid, nishanth, abhith (i forgot the spelling), Milan etc.

They were really hot.

But I wasn’t in my right mind.

I was in love with Ginny and every time I closed my eyes, I saw her.

So I couldn’t date them.

Ginny and I started speaking in april 2022. We spoke continuously till November, I think?

She said she is in love with me in July 2023.

My health was okay and things worked out in August 2024.

And then the trial.

Everyone are hyping us up and it feels wonderful to be honest.

But we have not met in a long time and we have not ‘done it’ yet.

I overthink so much about it all.

Because I have no much experience in anything and she’s a totally different person with a different mind and likes and dislikes and every thing else.

I don’t know how it will be.

All these foreign feelings and hope that I’ve never experienced before.

I don’t know what will happen.

All I know is, I’m going to love her no matter what till the very end.

I can’t wait.

Sometimes I’m so awkward and clumsy and different.

There are so many things like this about me which I’ve always felt is not lovable because no one has till now.

This is the reason I don’t expect anything from anyone.

People in my past made me this way.

So I kept thinking I’m not worthy of love and I’m not good enough all my life.

It took me some time and work to break that thinking and accept the love and support everyone are showing me.

Accept that, yes Ginny wants to be with me.

She knows everything about me and it’s okay, you know?

It took me sometime to stop being so scared that she might not like something about me or I’ll mess it up or something like that.

aaaah. I don’t know.

These are my 1AM thoughts.

Welcome to my mind 😛

Goodnight.

x