In a relationship or friendship,
When one person is showing growth and change and is trying.
And the other person is still stuck in the past and bringing up their hurt.
It’s because they don’t feel seen, acknowledged and validated.
Also, because the pain is too much for them to fathom and come in terms with.
If you want the relationship/friendship to work,
Every time the person who is hurt relapses,
you have to allow them to speak and get it out of their system.
That shows you see them.
You need to also acknowledge and validate their pain.
Most importantly,
Both of you need to have grace.
The person who is hurting needs to have grace to say that, yes I’m still hurting but the person has changed and grown and is trying.
The person who has changed should have grace to say, yes I’ve changed but the person I love needs more time than I do to move on because the pain was just too much.
The person who is hurting should also see a therapist and go on a healing journey.
You should also learn each other’s patterns and silences and unsaid apologies.
Because it might not be possible for the person who hurt you to keep apologising every time you relapse, but they might be repenting.
Repenting is an apology in itself.
But if they are giving you space to vent and acknowledging and validating your pain and also, showing signs of change and growth.
You should have grace and meet each other half way.
Also, communicate love and affection whenever you feel it.
If you keep doing this one day you will heal and will be able to make it work with them.
rachana rajan <3 