Note.

I don’t like watching anything on my phone.

I like watching on laptop or the TV.

(I’m stating a personal preference.

Please don’t go crazy online saying you watch on phone.

If you watch stuff on your phone, good for you.

Everyone has personal preferences.)

That’s why I rarely watch stuff.

I watch stuff on my phone only if I really really want to.

Mostly, I don’t.

I’m waiting to move out and buy a TV and laptop, so that I can start watching things.

I’m literally fed up of waiting this way.

I do absolutely nothing everyday.

I don’t have money to do anything.

I can’t read because my books are tampered with.

I’m wasting away my life.

The whole world is benefitting out of me and I’m suffering in this invisible double life.

This is cruelty to the extreme.

If there are problems, people happily throw problems at me though.

There’s absolutely no shortage of that.

After everything that we went through together,

I’m still unable to come in terms with what everyone did to me based on a random stranger’s lies.

Also,

I’m not really over my anger completely, I’m afraid.

I’m always lowkey angry.

Waiting in this reality is not helpful.

I’m this close to losing it.

This close.

Whatever the dentists did.

Every unfair thing that people did and said to me.

My parents torturing me inhumanly because they wanted me to suffer and die.

Monsters lusting at me and assaulting me when I was sick and suffering and suicidal.

The world continuously hurting me based on lies and manipulations and calling it karma without asking my side of the story.

All the sexual assaults.

Father stamping me with his leg on my chest when he clearly knew what I was going through.

Father sexually assaulting me.

All the intentional gaslighting.

All the malicious pathalogical monstrous perpetrators who did me wrong.

All these things keep running on my mind when I’m waiting.

I don’t have money to speak to my therapist as well.

Waiting this way is tormenting.

It’s not helping.

This is not a relaxing break.

It’s far from it.

What the fuck am I waiting for man?