rachana rajan <3

(fanfic from Harry’s POV)

I cannot for the life of me tell a man I don’t like him, so I ghost or block.

I don’t know why I cannot just tell them it’s not working out or I don’t see it going anywhere and then end things. I don’t why I find those words so hard to say. I’m constantly working on myself.

But I don’t see myself doing anything wrong because I don’t really promise anything to those men. I don’t promise to date them or even tell them I like them. It is still in the beginning stage and I just talk to them once over the phone and then l decide if I want to take it further or block.

I guess it might be wrong to block without notice. I really don’t know why I do that, I just can’t say the words it’s not working out or I’m not interested in you. I hate hurting people so I avoid that conversation. But I feel I’m hurting them by blocking. Hurt is unavoidable in this situation. Which is more easier though?

Sometimes the men I talk to are just so immature that they start talking shit when I ghost. They don’t really know how to accept the rejection. They are so broken that way that the decision of leaving them solidifies.

I prefer ghosting most of the time. But if we had a meaningful conversation when we meet I do tell them it’s not working out. If they were just an asshole when we met, I just end it brutally.

If they are good to me and I don’t see it going anywhere I find it soo hard to convey the message and I end up being a bitch and ghost.

All this is so hard sometimes. Sometimes I get so tired of searching for someone that I just don’t.

If I see someone attractive in a cafe, the voice at the back of my mind tells me he has a girlfriend or is a serial killer and I just don’t approach.

I really don’t like this phase of life where I have to be on these apps and constantly repeat myself to men again and again and again that now when they ask me what I do outside work, I say I do a lot of things and period.

The idea of being alone sounds more fun to me as the days pass by. I enjoy being alone, tbh. Unless I feel that irrevocable strong love, I don’t think I want a partner.