(trigger warning)
When I spoke about intrusive thoughts, I was speaking from experience.
My life was no where near good until I met Ginny.
Even after meeting her I went through ginormous pain and I’m still going through shit.
Because of this reason I’ve always felt suicidal.
I’m extremely familiar with this feeling and letting this feeling pass.
So familiar that I’ve gotten really good at letting it pass.
I get this feeling for 5 minutes or so depending on what happens.
Sometimes longer.
I know for sure that this is a feeling that will pass if I sit with it.
And it’s always better on the other side of that emotional turmoil.
These days it’s something that I don’t even acknowledge.
And it just passes by unnoticed sometimes.
Maybe it’s because before I didn’t have a reason to live, so it was excruciating.
But now I do, so it’s manageable.
I don’t know.
But I’m really good at letting thoughts pass by.
And healing.
According to Mark Manson’s newsletter, maybe it’s because I identify with a Buddhist Monk now.
You should read his advice if this isn’t helping you.
It’s good.
….
Also,
I just realised that I don’t feel all thoughts.
Am I suppose to feel it? I should probably google it.
Sometimes I think something negative out of the blue, about something random, I don’t acknowledge it or speak it into existence.
Next minute I’m thinking something else entirely.
I wouldn’t even remember what I was thinking that I ignored.
There are always so many thoughts. I don’t remember them all.
I have figured that everything need not be materialized because it’s junk and if I don’t acknowledge it,
it’s out of my head and forgotten.
Even if I do remember those negative thoughts, after sometime has passed I feel differently.
So not speaking it helps.
But most of the time when my head is a mess, speaking about it is cathartic.
But if it’s hurtful to someone and negative, I prefer not speaking it into existence and forgetting all together.
Because I know I’ll feel different with time.
rachana rajan <3 