In the beginning of 2022.
A few months before meeting Ginny.
I was speaking to Will Newman on a video call.
Will Newman and I speak on video all the time.
Since the beginning in 2020.
That’s our thing.
He was in his apartment in Bangalore this time.
I don’t know.
Suddenly I got hit with melancholy.
I said to him, “I wish I was there with you”.
He said, “Here? in my apartment?”
I said, “yeah”.
Then we started speaking about how life would have been if we were married.
After the call.
I broke down.
As I mentioned earlier.
We stopped saying I love you after he got engaged.
Except for one time.
He didn’t know how I felt.
I don’t know how he felt either.
I don’t know even now.
Because we never said it.
Sometimes the lines blurred.
That was all there was.
I don’t know how this incident sounds to you.
But it was more like Aman telling Rohit.
“Kaash main tumhari jagah hota”.
Then the scene in the title track of Kal ho na ho where Aman takes Rohit’s place.
What would he do if he was Rohit.
The conversation was more like that.
But I wouldn’t know for sure though.
Because I don’t know exactly how Will felt.
I don’t know even now.
So yeah.
I broke down after the call.
Because I wanted to be married to him.
I didn’t want to exist the way I did back then.
My life sucked.
I moved on after a few months.
Honestly I never thought I would meet Ginny.
I had kinda accepted my life the way it was.
I was okay with not being married.
I was okay with being single.
Then I met Ginny.
After that, no one else could compare to how I felt for her.
Nothing else felt right.
Now we’re here.
And by some miracle I’m normal and healthy and my throat is fixed.
And she wants to marry me?
Me?
This is really happening.
I’m not able to believe it is happening.
rachana rajan <3 