Will Newman said to me that things have changed many times after he got married.
He said that he likes talking to me.
I’m special and he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend.
He refused to label what happened between us.
He called it “a thing”.
He said he had fights with his wife because of me.
Because she wasn’t okay with us speaking.
He would also initiate “those conversations” sometimes.
I don’t know.
I was too much to handle back then.
I was going through so much shit.
I would fight with him sometimes because I was angry that he broke my heart.
I was angry that he refused to label what happened between us.
Because he was the first person I had real feelings for.
I was also attached to him like so much.
Because he is my best friend.
I was also in love with him silently.
I would also initiate “those conversations” sometimes.
Both of us are at fault for what happened.
It was complicated.
It was one big mess that was tethered in a way that was hard to undo.
I brought up the same conversation a few months ago to him.
With an intention of unraveling the knot and sweeping the mess aside.
I was honest about everything that happened and how I was feeling back then.
I asked him what exactly it was for him.
I got intense and carried away.
I asked him if the reason that he left me was because I was crazy.
Because now I have the complete information about everything.
So I see things in a different light and bigger picture.
He couldn’t handle it
It fucked him up.
He ended the friendship and blocked me.
I tried to apologise multiple times.
But he isn’t listening.
It was wrong in my part to say these things now.
Because both of us have moved on long ago.
He cannot possibly say it.
I shouldn’t have brought it up.
I shouldn’t have cornered him like that.
Aaah.
I apologised so many times.
Things were going smoothly and I upheaved the friendship.
Now he’s not speaking to me.
rachana rajan <3 